This week has been an interesting week for me. God has revealed something in my heart, that in all honesty, he has revealed many times before. He has once again shown me that I have a case of mistaken identity, which is not uncommon for me and which I would venture to say is not uncommon for you either. Let me explain.
For the past several weeks my work has been really slow. We are in a season at Sage Benefit Advisors where we don't have much going on. This has led to me being sent home from work early, sometimes hours earlier than normal. I'm also not as busy with church responsibilities as I used to be, which has left me with more free time in the afternoons and mornings.
This extra time that I have been given has left me feeling quite useless. Because I don't have much to do at work, there us no point in me being there. At home I have struggled with finding "valuable" things to do (there is only so much you can clean in our little apartment). And since I don't have as many meetings as I used to on a regular basis, I feel less valuable in the Rock. All of this has left me feeling worthless altogether.
You see, over the last few years (and really my whole life) I have been finding value and my identity in what I do or don't do. If I am not measuring up to someone's expectations (even if they are my own) I must not be valuable enough. If I can do something good and productive, then I am valuable. Leadership on my team and in the Rock has given me value. But now that I am not "doing" as many things, now that my schedule isn't as busy, I'm believing the lie that I am no longer valuable, I have become worthless. In essence, I am finding my identity in the wrong place.
In my next blog post I will share more about why finding my identity and value in these things is a sin and where I should be getting my identity and value from instead.
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