So It Begins

The last month has sped by like a NASCAR race.

November 14th marked our one year anniversary. Woohoo! I'm so thankful for the grace the Lord has given us in our first year. It was a great year for us, full of learning experiences, growth and lots of joy. I'm thankful for the husband God has given me and I am looking forward to many more years with him.

I also spent most of the month packing our apartment. Our lease was up on the 27th, so we packed a moving truck and drove all of our stuff down to Eddie's parents house in New Mexico. It's currently being stored in their work shop and will stay there until we find a place to live in Phoenix. We spent Thanksgiving there with his parents, grandparents and sister, which was a blast. The time was full of good food, Settlers of Catan, and some shopping. I love his family and am thankful to be apart of it.

But not having an apartment means we are living out of our suitcases and "couch hopping" for the month of December. We're currently staying at Ryan and Christy Klumph's apartment. Next week we'll be at the Majeski's and the following week at the Alvarado's. Then we'll do Christmas with my family, head to Faithwalkers, come back for Nick Power's and Steph Jordan's wedding, and then we'll head down to Phoenix.

So it seems like we are in a crazy whirl wind right now, just holding on to our anchor, Jesus Christ. And as I have realized that we are in our last month here in Fort Collins, I have begun to feel the bittersweetness of what's ahead; excitement for the adventure, and a broken heart for what's being left behind. Fort Collins has been my home now for 8 years. But I am even more attached to Summitview Community Church and the home I have found there. I will miss my heavenly family very much, but will be glad to catch up with all of you in our eternal dwelling.

So here begins our last month before Pheonix. I'm going to soak in as much of Fort Collins as I can and hang out with as many people as I can before Christmas. So, if you want to hang with me and/or my husband in the next couple of weeks feel free to call us!

Phoenix, Arizona

As some of you already know, Eddie and I are moving to Phoenix, Arizona. Our new pastor, Brandon Pullen, and his wife, Jen, are moving down to Phoenix to be the full time pastor for our sister church down there and he has asked Eddie and I to join him. At this time our plan is to move down to Phoenix in early January, immediately following a couple of weddings we would like to attend.

Things I am looking forward to:

1. Being apart of a small tight knit body of believers.

There are 6-7 families that live down there right now. And with the handful of people that will go down from Fort Collins that means there will only be about 30 people laboring together for the advancement of the kingdom in one of the largest cities in the U.S.

2. How God is going to grow my faith.

There are a lot of things that we need to trust the Lord for. And I am praying that the Lord would stretch and strengthen our faith through this adventure.

3. Doing something new.

It's hard to not be excited about a whole life change, doing something completely new.

Things I am NOT looking forward to:

1.  The heat.

Even today, Nov 4, the high in Phoenix is 89 degrees. In the summer, it gets up to 115 degrees. Yeah... not excited about that.

2. Scorpions

Yep, there are scorpions in Phoenix. My plan is to find every trap and scorpion repellent thing I can get and utilize them all, cause I am pretty freaked out about the idea of having them in my house/shoes/bed/anywhere near me.

3. Not being able to start a fire in the fireplace, cuddle up with a blanket and some coffee and watch a movie while it's snowing outside. Because it doesn't snow in Phoenix! Lame!

Things we need prayer for:

1. Jobs.

Eddie and I are both going down jobless and will need to find jobs when we get there. I've been praying that the Lord would provide Eddie with a solid, permanent job quickly. It's not quite as big of a deal for me, since I can basically get any kind of temporary job until we start having kids.

2. A place to live.

We also don't know where we will be living as of right now, but I am praying that we would be able to live close to the Pullen's and other people in the church.

3. For the Lord to use us.

Us going down there will do nothing unless the Lord works through us. Pray that we will be available and ready for what he might call us into and that he would save people through our efforts down there.

I will try and keep my blog updated with our adventures and with all of the cool things that the Lord is going to do. Thanks for caring about our lives and praying for us!

The Lord's Delight

As I shared in my last blog post, I have been trying to reconnect with the lover of my soul. And one of the verses that has really been burrowing into my heart is Psalm 18:19b.

"he rescued me, because he delighted in me." (ESV)

I have been camping on this verse for the last couple of weeks. I've been trying to picture what it looks like to have the Lord of the universe delight in me. A basic definition of "delight" would be "a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment". And it's just really crazy for me to think that the Lord has a high degree of pleasure/enjoyment because of me. And every time I let that verse sink into my heart, I am filled with so much joy and thankfulness for what God has given me in Christ, namely himself. And what's even crazier, is that he delighted in me before he rescued me! Even when I was dead in my transgressions and sins, he delighted in me and therefore he saved me.

I don't think I can or will ever comprehend the goodness of this God who takes great pleasure in me and gave his life for me in order that he might continue to do so.

Why should I gain from his reward?

I cannot give an answer.

But this I know with all my heart,

His wounds have payed my ransom.

My Absence

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't blogged for about 2 months. Part of the reason for that was simple laziness. But the main reason is that I have been processing and wrestling through a few things in my heart in regards to my relationship with the Lord and I felt like I didn't have much to contribute over the last couple months.

Here is my confession.

I came to a point near the end of August/beginning of September where I felt like I didn't have a personal relationship with God. I felt like I had a bunch of head knowledge about the Lord and about the Christian life, but I couldn't call God my friend. My prayer life was next to non-existent and to read the word was bland and uninteresting to me.

I began to realize that I had a far off view of the Lord. I still saw him as a powerful and good God, but he was distant. When I thought of the fact that God loved me, I knew it was true, but it was more of an uninvolved love from that distant God that had much better things to worry about than my life. And because I had a distant view of the Lord, I had become very self-sufficient and self-reliant. If God was far away, then I needed to take care of myself and therefore prayer would do me no good. And when I read the Bible, I was reading the instruction manual of what God wanted me to do while he was off taking care of the world, and instructions aren't very interesting. I still saw God as my Savior and Redeemer, but I was just a face in the crowds of people that the blood of Christ covers. I felt spiritually dead.

It finally came to a breaking point as I sat in the Majeski's kitchen trying to explain all of that to Shelli. And as Shelli so often pin points exactly what the root issue is in my life, she hit this nail right on the head. I had forgotten that God is my Lover, just as much as he is my Savior, Redeemer and Powerful Creator. He cares about me personally and even delights in me.

And so over the last few months, I have been trying to reconnect with the Lover of my soul. I have been reading a book called "Because He Loves Me" by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, which Shelli recommended and then "coincidentally" we are also reading at Women's Coffee House. One of her main points in the book is that "even though many of us love and believe the good news about Jesus Christ, we rarely take that news as personally as it's meant to be taken." (p. 42) And that is a true statement about my life.

I have also been trying to read the Bible as a love letter instead of an instruction manual. To see all the little treasures that the Lord has written in order that I might know the depth of how he feels for me. And it seems like every time I find one of those treasures now, the tears start rolling. Slowly the Lord has been softening my heart and showing me how much he loves and delights in me even as he shows me more of the depths of my sin and my need for his grace.

I feel like I have come back to the beginning of getting to know my Savior; And not to just know him intellectually, but to know him experientially. But I am excited to learn how to trust and rely on him more and more and to see my need for him more and more.

So that's just a little update for you about the last 2 months and why I have been so silent on my blog. I will try and not have another 2 month gap between posts. :)

Thanks for caring about me enough to read my rantings!

Genuine Repentance?

In chapter 12 of 1 Samuel, Samuel is addressing the people of Israel.

v 17-19
"I will call upon the LORD to send thunder and rain. And you will realize what an evil thing you did in the eyes of the LORD when you asked for a king." Then Samuel called upon the LORD, and that same day the LORD sent thunder and rain. So all the people stood in awe of the LORD and of Samuel. The people all said to Samuel, "Pray to the LORD your God for your servants so that we will not die, for we have added to all our other sins the evil of asking for a king."

At first sight it seems like Israel understands what they have done and that they are truly repentant. But I'm not convinced. Why? Because they kept their king. If they were genuinely repentant wouldn't they have given up their king and returned to the Lord? But they don't. Which tells me that they didn't really recognize the evil in what they did, they were simply afraid of the consequences. They still didn't want the Lord to be their king, they just didn't want him to destroy them.


I've felt that before. It's the fear that comes after you have been caught doing something wrong. It's not like you are sorry for what you did, you're just sorry that you got caught and now there are consequences. So you apologize and plea for mercy, but in your heart you still want whatever it is that you were busted for. That's not repentance. If it was real repentance I would hate my previous action and run from it into the arms of my merciful Savior. I would see how much better He is than what I was chasing before. There would be life change, not just a plea for mercy so that I can keep that which was evil to begin with.

An Introduction to "god"

I am reading a book called "What is the Gospel" by Greg Gilbert. In Chapter two he talks about God and his character. This is how he starts.


   Let me introduce you to god. (Note the lowercase g.)


   You might want to lower your voice a little before we go in, He might be sleeping now. He's old, you know, and doesn't much understand or like this "newfangled" modern world. His golden days - the ones he talks about when you really get him going - were a long time ago, before most of us were even born. That was back when people cared what he thought about things and considered him pretty important to their lives.
   Of course all that's changed now, though, and god - poor fellow- just never adjusted very well. Life's moved on and passed him by. Now, he spends most of his time just hanging in the garden out back. I go there sometimes to see him, and there we tarry, walking and talking softly and tenderly among the roses.
   Anyway, a lot of people still like him, it seems - or at least he manages to keep him poll numbers pretty high. And you'd be surprised how many people even drop by to visit and ask for things every once in a while. But of course that's alright with him. He's here to help.
   Thank goodness, all the crankiness you read about sometimes in his old books - you know, having the earth swallow people up, raining fire down on cities, that sort of thing - all that seems to have faded in his old age. How he's just a good-natured, low-maintenance friend who's really easy to talk to - especially since he almost never talks back, and when he does, it's usually to tell me through some slightly weird "sign" that what I want to do regardless is alright by him. That really is the best kind of friend, isn't it?
  You know the best thing about him, though? He doesn't judge me. Ever, for anything. Oh sure, I know that deep down he wishes I'd be better - more loving, less selfish, and all that - but he's realistic. He knows I'm human and nobody's perfect. And I'm totally sure he's fine with that. Besides, forgiving people is his job. It's what he does. After all, he's love, right? And I like to think of love as "never judging, only forgiving." That's the god I know. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
   Alright, hold on a second.... Okay, we can go in now. And don't worry, we don't have to stay long. Really. He's grateful for anytime he can get.


Oh Lord, may I never have such a ridiculous view of you.

Hymns

I've been listening to hymns in my car lately and it has been so good for my soul. When I first started to follow Christ I loved the contemporary worship songs like "Blessed Be Your Name" and "I Rest". I connected with the straightforward truth of what they were saying and I loved the repetition of the lyrics. And though I still like to rock out to a lot of those songs, hymns have become more and more of a joy to sing as I have continued to grow in my relationship with Christ. I love the richness and depth of the lyrics in hymns.

And though it's good to sing songs that have minimal, straightforward, repetitive lyrics, lately I have found myself wanting to sings songs with more "meat" to them. Which is why I like hymns so much; they are very meaty. Sometimes they are so meaty that I'm not even sure what they mean and I have to stop and think about what is being said. But when I figure out what those lines really mean, they become even more meaningful to my heart as I sing them out to the Lord at the top of my lungs (while the person in the car next to me gives me a strange look).

Don't get me wrong I still love when hymns are redone to be upbeat and loud. I'm not one for standing in my pew with my hymn book drearily singing "How Great Thou Art". But I think I would prefer to sing "In Christ Alone" rather than "He Is Good". Not because "He Is Good" is a bad song, not at all, but because my heart connects more with the truth that I sing in "In Christ Alone".

And let me let you off the hook.... you don't have to agree with me. But if you struggle with singing hymns, like I once used to, let me help you out a little. Some of the hymns I have been listening to in my car are by a band called Page CXVI and I think they have done an amazing job with the hymns they sing. Here are some of my favorites.

In Christ Alone


Come Thou Fount


Joy


If you wish to buy any of their albums you can find them here. Enjoy!

Elder Brother Syndrome

This is an excerpt from "The Prodigal God" by Tim Keller. He is speaking about the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son and how the older brother lacks an assurance of the fathers love for him.

           "But perhaps the clearest symptom of this lack of assurance is a dry prayer life. Though elder brothers may be diligent in prayer, there is no wonder, awe, intimacy, or delight in their conversations with God. Think of three kinds of people - a business associate you don't really like, a friend you enjoy doing things with, and someone you are in love with, and who is in love with you. Your conversations with the business associate will be quite goal-oriented. You won't be interested in chitchat, With your friend you may open your heart about some of the problems you are having. But with your lover you will sense a strong impulse to speak about what you find beautiful about him or her.
           These three kinds of discourse are analogous to forms of prayer that have been called "petition," "confession," and "adoration." The deeper the love relationship, the more the conversation heads toward the personal, and toward affirmation and praise. Elder brothers may be disciplined in observing regular times of prayer, but their prayers are almost wholly taken up with a recitation of needs and petitions, not spontaneous, joyful praise. In fact, many elder brothers, for all their religiosity, do not have much of a private prayer life at all unless things are not going well in their lives. Then they may devote themselves to a great deal of it, until things get better again. This reveals that their main goal in prayer is to control their environment rather than to delve into an intimate relationship with a God who loves them."

Cherishing Christ

It's a known fact that marriage is difficult. It's also a known fact that you really have no idea how sinful you are until you get married. But one thing that I was unaware of before I got married was how hard it is to be a Christian and be married. Not that the two are incompatible, they're not, but that I have had to start relearning how to be a Christian as a wife, because it's different than being a Christian as a single woman.

My life has completely changed from how it was a year ago. My schedule is different. The things that I spend my time on are different. And my priorities are completely different. Through all this change in my life I have lost an affection for Christ. Not because I wanted to, but more because I've been distracted and my heart hasn't been set on him. I've really only been going to church because that's what I'm supposed to do. I read my Bible because I'm supposed to. And I've just gotten way to caught up in other things, and my heart has started to grow indifferent.

And frankly, it's started to scare me.

So I am in the process now of learning how to cherish Christ again. I am attempting to fill my life with Christ centered things like listening to teachings and reading Christ centered books. Prayer is starting to ignite my heart again, especially when it's with other believers. And I am starting to feel a burden for the lost that I haven't felt in a while.

But I don't want to just try and be a better Christian. I don't want to muster up my faith in order that I might do they right things. I want my heart to truly cherish Christ. I don't want Christ for his stuff, I want Christ for Christ.

I have been reading a book called The Prodigal God by Tim Keller. It's a great book, I highly recommend it. In the book he talks about the parable of the Prodigal Son, which he says should really be called the parable of the Two Lost Sons, because it's just as much about the older brother as it is about the younger brother. And he says that both brothers were really only interested in what the Father could give them instead of just wanted the Father himself.

Once I'm in a place where I don't cherish Christ above all else, I am in a place of sin and disunity from Him. And I don't want to be there. So if you think about it, you can pray for me. Pray that Christ would stir my affections for him and him alone.

Top of the Charts

It's official. "In Christ Alone" is my favorite hymn. The title in and of itself is amazing, but with the addition of such rich lyrics, I feel myself choking up every time I listen to/sing this hymn. Especially when I get to the line that says "no power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck my from his hand." This song is such a clear presentation of the gospel. It over and over again challenges my faith to rest and rely "In Christ Alone". Below are the lyrics with my favorite lines highlighted. Also here is a great version of the song to listen to.

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

‘Til on that cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life’s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

‘til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

Excited for Pesto

A couple months ago I had a post about how Eddie and I were growing some plants on our back deck. Well I am excited to say that we have some amazing plants now. Here are some pictures!

Cucumber plant...

with cucumbers growing!

                                          Tomato Plant                                               Cilantro

And I just harvested a bunch of basil!

I'm excited!

My Mother Was Right

Do you remember all those prophetic things your mother would tell you as a child? Well one of them has come true in my life.

When I was in grade school I was very active; I played multiple sports, was in the marching band, and did a variety of other activities. And my metabolism was through the roof. And my mother always told me (as I was scarfing food down) that when I turned 25 I wouldn't be able to eat whatever I wanted and not worry about my weight anymore. And I would just shrug it off and jokingly say something like, "well I guess I better eat as much as I can now before that happens".

And she was right. I'm 26 years old and over the last year I have started to notice that it's not as easy as it used to be to stay in shape. The combination of a slowing metabolism and a less active lifestyle has brought me to a point of being careful of what I eat (no more eating half a carton of Dryer's Loaded Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup ice cream without consequences). Which is not entirely a bad thing, but I would like a little more freedom in that area.

So I have decided to start running on a regular basis. But long distance running has always been difficult for me. Even in high school I was a sprinter not an endurance runner. So if I found it difficult in high school, it's been a huge struggle now. But I have been using a running plan to help build my cardio endurance level and I have really enjoyed it.

It's basically an 8 week plan to get you up to running 30 minutes without stopping. Here is the gist of it.


Week 1: Walk 6 minutes, Jog 1 minute. Repeat 3 times. Aim for 3 sessions during the week.

Week 2: Walk 5 minutes, Jog 2 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Aim for 3 sessions during the week.

Week 3: Walk 3 minutes, Jog 4 minutes. Repeat 4 times. Aim for 4 sessions during the week.

Week 4: Walk 2 minutes, Jog 5 minutes. Repeat 4 times. Aim for 4 sessions during the week.

Week 5: Walk 2 minutes, Jog 8 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Aim for 4 sessions during the week.

Week 6: Walk 2 minutes, Jog 9 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Aim for 4 sessions during the week.

Week 7: Walk 1 minutes, Jog 11 minutes. Repeat 3 times. Aim for 4 sessions during the week.

Week 8: Jog 30 minutes

I am happy to say that I can now successfully jog 30 minutes without stopping and I am look forward to building more endurance as I continue on from here. So if you are wanting to take better care of your body and you want to get into running, I highly recommend this plan. You should click the link above and read through more information on helpful running tips before you get started.

The Unforgiving Servant - Part 2

Click here to read part 1.

Once my heart connects with the seriousness of what is said in Matthew 18:23-35, there is a great desire within me to not be like the unforgiving servant. And even though there are people and situations in our lives that are fairly easy to forgive, there is usually one if not multiple people and situations that are very challenging to forgive. Sometimes, there has been so much pain caused that it almost seems impossible to forgive a certain person. So how can I walk into a path of forgiveness when everything in my flesh fights against it?

1. Remember the goodness of the gospel in your own life.
Remember that at one time you were dead in your transgressions and sins (Eph 2:1, 12-13) and destined for destruction. Remember that it was Christ who came and died for you, even though you didn't deserve it, and now you have forgiveness in him. Remember that you did not earn your forgiveness but that it was freely given to you. Remember that apart from Christ you are just as much of a sinner as the person that has sinned against you; you are no better. In that place a humility, you can extend grace because you recognize how much grace has been extended to you.

2. Trust in the justice of God.
A lot of times when I have a hard time forgiving someone it's because I think justice needs to be done and so I will bring justice on them but holding a grudge. But Romans 12:9 says, "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." We don't need to make sure justice is done, God will. He will right every wrong ever done, whether on the cross or in his eternal wrath, hell. Trust in that justice, it is perfect and you won't do better. If it is a brother or sister that has sinned against you, justice was done on the cross and has already been forgiven by your Heavenly Father; you don't have a right to still hold it against them. If it is a non-believer that has sinned against you, then they are storing up wrath for themselves (Romans 2:5) and God will avenge the wrong done against you; you don't have a right to deal out your own justice.

How ever you deal with it, just make sure that you are not holding a grudge against anyone. Because if you are, the master may hand you over to the torturers.

The Unforgiving Servant - Part 1

Back in February, I spoke at the Women's Rock on Matthew 18:21-35. You can listen to that message here.

I have been reading through Matthew and read through that passage again the other day. The passage is titled "The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant". And every time I get to the last verse (v35) I shudder. It says, "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." What is it that the Father will do to you? The previous verse says that the master delivered the unforgiving servant over to the tortures since he would not forgive his fellow servant.

A lot of the time I can read through that passage and not even connect with the gravity of what's being said there. I can think, "oh, that doesn't apply to me, I have Jesus." But it does apply. If I don't forgive from my heart I am in danger of the fires of hell. Why? Because if I don't forgive my sister when she sins against me then I am demonstrating that I do not know the forgiveness of Christ. Because if I truly have been forgiven all my sin, then I would recognize the ten thousand talents (about 4 billion dollars) that I no longer owe and would be so humbled that I would not demand the measly hundred denarii (about 9 thousand dollars) that my fellow servant owes me. But if I think that by some chance I deserved to be forgiven ten thousand talents and that this fellow servant does not deserve to be forgiven a hundred denarii, I am essentially spitting on the mercy of God and claiming self-righteousness. And self-righteous people don't go to heaven. Only those that recognize their great need for a savior, even in the mist of being sinned against, truly experience the mercy of that Father.

But how do I deal with sin that is really hard to forgive? I'm going to talk about that in the next post.

"The Will of My Father"

The other day I was reading in Matthew and I read this passage:

Matthew 7:21-23
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'"

This passage frightened me. Jesus says that only the one who does the "will of my Father" will enter the kingdom of heaven. Then he says that there will be people that come to him saying that they prophesied, cast out demons, and did mighty works in his name and he will tell them that he never knew them. Which means that prophesying, casting out demons, and doing mighty works in the name on Jesus is not the "will of my Father" (at least not solely) even to the point where Jesus calls them "workers of lawlessness". And that scares me because I can think of people close to me that might say something like that that to Jesus when they see him face-to-face. It seems utterly critical to figure out what the will of the Father is.

So what is the will of the Father? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below.

My Beautiful Grandmother

I was out of town this last weekend for my Grandmother's (my mom's mom) funeral. She died a couple weeks ago after a two year battle with a variety of cancers. And it was such a strange experience for me to be at my grandparents house in Ohio and her not be there.

As a child I would spend my summers in Ohio visiting my dad and I would always spend a little time with my grandparents going swimming in Lake Erie, watching videos from the library, going to Indians games and making raspberry pies with the raspberries that grew in my grandpa's garden; I have so many good memories from my grandparents house. And as I spent this last weekend there they all came flooding back and I half expected my grandma to come walking out of the kitchen and ask me to go to the garden and tell my grandpa that dinner was ready or to hear her from her bedroom saying that I needed to get ready for church. But she she wasn't there. And the more I looked at pictures of her the more I wished she was still here to play dominoes, or go skiing, or take me to visit the wild life center she volunteered at.

I can remember waking up some mornings as a child and she would be sitting in the sun room, drinking her tea, faithfully reading her Bible (with her pet bird sitting on her shoulder). And I can still hear her voice imploring me to find deeper truths in some of the TV shows that I watched as a kid (like Family Matters or Full House). And every time I saw my grandparents holding hands or cuddling on the couch, I was always in awe of the love they had for one another (if you get a chance, please pray for my grandpa, I know he will miss her dearly).

There is no doubt in my mind that my grandmother was an amazing woman; the kind of woman that I would like to be.

Here are some good pictures of my beautiful grandma (a lot of them are with my grandpa).

I love you, Grandma! I'll see you in a little while.

Being Prepared for Battle - The Sword of the Spirit

Sorry for the delay of this last post. I was out of town this last weekend for Eddie's sister's graduation.

This is the sixth of six posts.

Ephesians 6:13-17

The Sword of the Spirit

"and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God"

This piece of the armor might be the most talked about piece, with a variety of good commentaries and interpretations on what it is and what it's for. But here are some of the thoughts that I had as I was dwelling on it.

One thing I noticed is that this is not my sword, it's the sword of the Spirit. The word of God is not necessarily my offensive weapon, it's the Holy Spirit's offensive weapon. Which makes sense in a lot of ways. Why is it that some people can read the Bible and not be convicted of sin or see any of the truth in it? Because the power of the Spirit isn't wielding the Word in that persons heart. Without a soldier, a sword is useless; Without the Holy Spirit, the Bible is just another book. The Word has power because the Holy Spirit gives it power as its wielder. (I'm not saying that the Holy Spirit can't wield the Word in a non-believers heart, my point is that the Word's power to change hearts comes from the Holy Spirit.)

And, praise the Lord, if you believe in Jesus Christ as your savior, the Holy Spirit is a deposit guaranteeing your inheritance (Eph 1:13-14). If you are a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit within you. But how can the Holy Spirit help you tear down strong holds in your life without his weapon, the Word of God? Thus, we need to take up the Sword of the Spirit so that the Spirit can wage war and fight for us. Because I can't change my own heart, I don't have the power to change my motivations or desires. But the Lord does have that power and he uses his sword to battle temptations and motivations in order to sanctify me.

But if I am not spending deep, meaningful, meditative time in the Word, then I am not equipping the Spirit within me and I should not expect to see any change in my own life or to have an effect on anyone else's life. But when the Spirit has his weapon, I see change in my life and I see how he uses me to reach those around me.

Being Prepared for Battle - The Helmet of Salvation

This is the fifth of six posts.

Ephesians 6:13-17

The Helmet of Salvation

"and take the helmet of salvation" (v17)

1 Thessalonians 5:8 says that this helmet is "the hope of salvation". It's our promised future salvation that is our head protection. I think even more specifically, it is the protection of our minds.

Our minds are where the battle rages day in and day out. It seems like everything in this world is fighting for a claim on my thoughts. From TV, to the internet, to the radio and beyond, my thoughts are being swayed by all of the eye candy that is put out there for me to dwell on. And when Satan wants to take me down, where does he strike? In my mind. He sits on my shoulder whispering temptations into my ear all day long. He knows that all he needs to do is get my mind off of the things in Phil 4:8 and I'll be useless.

So why is the hope of salvation my protection on that battle ground? Because when I keep my mind on my promised salvation, then my sinful thoughts are seen for what they really are; pointless and evil. And when my mind is dwelling on the glory of what it will be like to stand in the presence of my Savior, fully justified, sanctified and glorified, every other thought fades away and Satan has nothing greater to tempt me with.

The battle for my thought life can be won by focusing on and rejoicing in my salvation and the greatness of what Christ has done and will do for me.

Being Prepared for Battle - The Shield of Faith

This is the forth of six posts.

Ephesians 6:13-17

The Shield of Faith

"In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;" (v16)

There have been days in my life where I have felt spiritually attacked by Satan all day long. And it sort of feels like Satan is shooting a bunch of flaming darts (or arrows) in my direction with a sinister laugh. Those darts, in my life at least, are Satan's lies. And there are some days when he just likes to rattle them off into my ear without ceasing; he has a whole quiver full of them that he likes to use.

Here are a few of the big ones in my life:

• You are worthless and no one really cares about you.
• You deserve this thing that you want.
• You are amazing!
• God won't forgive that sin.
• You should be ashamed!
• I can't believe you did that. No one else would have done what you did, you sinner!
• Good thing you aren't her.

The list can go on and on. I'm not even sure that there's an end to the lies Satan can tell me. And sometimes it's really hard to not believe them. I think that's why it's the shield of Faith. Because it really takes genuine faith to believe the truth over the lie. I have to be certain of what I do not see (Heb 11:1), because sometimes I just don't see how the truth can be right when the lie looks so real. But the genuine faith that God has given me in Christ, has the power to extinguish any flaming dart Satan shoots at me. Satan is no match against my Shield of Faith because it was created and perfected by God himself (Heb 12:2).

And there are times when I feel like that Shield of Faith is just too heavy for me to lift and I feel bombard by flaming darts. But praise the Lord, that in his grace and mercy, he can and will lift it for me if I just ask it of him.

Being Prepared for Battle - Feet Fitted With Readiness

This is the third of six posts.

Ephesians 6:13-17

Feet Fitted With Readiness

"and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." (v15)

Some of you know that I'm not much of a shoe person. While some women have up to 50 pairs of shoes, I own about 7 pairs. Now I'm not dogging on those women that love shoes and have every kind of shoe in existence, I'm just not one of them. I find a pair of shoes that fit, are comfortable, and can be used for multiple occasions and those are the ones I own.

That's the picture I get with these shoes described in the passage. They are the ready-for-every-use shoe.

Most of the time when I wear a pair of my shoes I'm not too worried about where I am walking. I don't have to worry about not walking on certain surfaces because my shoes are doing what they were meant to do; protect my feet and enable me to go places and do things. Without the proper footwear I could be severely limited. For example, I can't go hiking in high heels and I can't run 6 miles in flip-flops.

I think that's the idea with "fitting my feet with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace". It's making sure that I can go anywhere and do anything the Lord calls me to do since I'm not worried about what my next step is going to do to my welfare. Spiritually speaking, it's making sure that my heart is trusting in the gospel of peace so that I don't have to be anxious about anything that the Lord might bring onto my path (Phil 4:6-7).

The gospel is a gospel of peace. If I ever have any fears or anxieties, all I need to do is return to the gospel and believe it's truths. And it's when I am resting in the gospel that I can walk in trust and obedience to my Lord, not worrying about what might be coming next; I'm ready for anything.

Being Prepared for Battle - The Breastplate of Righteousness

This is the second of six posts.

Ephesians 6:13-17

The Breastplate of Righteousness

"having put on the breastplate of righteousness" (v14)

When I thought about this piece of the armor, I thought about what it's supposed to protect. In general it protects the chest area, but I think more specifically it protects the heart. One stab to the heart and you're dead.

So what does that equate to spiritually? I wonder if the real heart issue is my righteousness. Satan seems to always be attacking my righteousness in some form or fashion. In one way he likes to shove my sin back in my face and tell me that I'm worthless sinner and that my sin makes God mad at me. In another way, he likes to wave my "good works" in front of my eyes in order that I might claim some level of self-righteousness. Neither of those scenarios are good.

But I wonder if that "Breastplate of Righteousness" is really the breastplate of Christ's righteousness. Because if I am wearing that breastplate then it deters Satan's stabs. On the one hand, yes, I am a sinner who deserves nothing. But Christ's Righteousness has been imputed to me and I stand holy and unashamed before my Creator God. And on the other hand my self-righteousness is nothing in comparison to Christ's Righteousness. My self-righteousness dissolves in light of Christ's perfection.

Satan can ruin me on the basis of my righteousness. That's why I need Christ's Righteous Breastplate to cover over my heart so that Satan doesn't destroy me.

Being Prepared for Battle - The Belt of Truth

This is the first of six posts.

I finished reading Ephesians this morning. I read through the last half of chapter 6 which has a very familiar passage in it. And it's really easy for me to read through the "full armor of god" section without putting much thought into it because I have heard it so many times before. But this time I decided to slow down and think about each piece of the armor and what it's purpose was. Paul must have had some intention with what he equated each piece of the armor with and so I wanted to spend a some time thinking about it.

My disclaimer is that these will just be my thoughts of what came across to me as I thought about each piece. There are probably several meanings you could pull out from the passage and I don't claim to have the best or only interpretation of it.

The passage I am looking at is Ephesians 6:13-17.

The Belt of Truth

"Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth" (v14)

My first thought on this was that if you don't have your belt fastened your pants/bottoms will fall off; which isn't a good thing. Then I read a few commentaries about "girding your loins" and how the belt kept things in place so that you weren't tripping over yourself and how the belt had leather pieces hang in order to protect the lower half of your body. I also read about how the belt would hold the sword while not in use. So my main thought about this was that the belt sort of holds everything together. With out having a fastened belt the whole ensemble practically falls apart. And I thought about how it's the same with Truth. If we don't have Truth fastened and nailed down then there is no hope of fighting a battle. We need to know what reality is and we need to have a firm grasp of it. If there is a wavering of what is true and what is not true, then we won't be able to fight against the spiritual forces, since we don't even really know what going on. We're too busy trying to pick up the pieces of our armor (or life) and keep them together. But with Truth fastened around me holding me together, then I will be equipped to fight a spiritual battle.

Don't Repeat My Mistakes

As Mitch has been going through Membership, Discipleship, and Leadership in LTC's a lot of questions have been raised in my mind and I have been spending a lot of time processing over the last several months. I wish to share some of my thoughts geared toward my sisters in the Rock.

As I have processed through a lot of what Mitch has been talking about I have been convicted of my own sin and wrong attitudes through out my years in the Rock. The following thoughts come from that heart in wanting to warn my sisters in order that my mistakes aren't repeated by you.

1. Be careful how you view the role of a female "leader" - This role on the female side of things is very different from the male side. Biblically speaking there is no mandate for a leadership position as a woman. Which means we need to clearly see what that role is. The role of a female "leader" is to make sure that there is a connection between the women on the team and the male leader. And we need to understand that her role is and should be limited. When the male leader of a team is not around, it's not the female "leader's" role to step in and take charge. Another male should step up and lead. "Leader" is the label that we have put on her but not necessarily the role she actually has. So be careful in viewing that role more than what it is. The male is the leader of the team. He is responsible for every person on the team, including the women. The female is there as a support role to him in order to establish an appropriate connection between him and the rest of the women. She is only as responsible for those women as any sister in Christ should be responsible for them, and not beyond.

2. A female "leader" is not better than the rest of the women on the team - If you are a female "leader" in the Rock be careful to not view yourself as somehow more righteous than everyone else. Yes the Lord may have given you more wisdom and experience than some of the other women, but that comes from the Lord and should not be boasted in. You are on the same level as they are. Don't think that you are above their correction or encouragement and don't think that you are the only one that has something to offer. If you are not a "leader" than do not for a minute think that you have nothing to offer anyone. And do not think that your leader has her life all together and is more holy than you are. She is just as sinful as you are and needs Jesus just as much as you do. She needs to be corrected and encouraged just like you do. Mutual discipleship can and should occur. You have just as much to offer her as she does to you. Her standing before God is not more right than yours is.

3. Discipleship is not exclusive - The discipleship tree structure is beneficial, but can create tension when misunderstood or misapplied. Discipleship does not just happen from one person to another. Discipleship should happen within the membership. That means that, though one-on-one meetings are good, that should not be the extent of your discipleship. Is there a women on your team or even elsewhere in the Rock or Summitview that is really good at praying? Than seek to spend time praying with her in order to grow your prayer life. Is there a woman that is good at evangelizing? Than spend time with her sharing in the plaza. Is there a woman that is really good at pulling thoughts from scripture? Then spend time reading the bible and discussing with her. You should not think that your discipleship only comes from the one woman that you meet consistently with and you can have consistent meetings with other women on your team or in the Rock or Summitview. And be careful with saying "I'm discipling this person" or "this person is discipling me". Those sayings automatically place one person above the other, when there should be equal, mutual discipleship occurring. And those sayings automatically bring and exclusivity to discipleship that shouldn't be there.

4. Be active in encouraging women on your team, even the ones that you may not meet with regularly - Just because you don't meet with some one on a regular basis does not mean that you can just disregard their life and think that you don't have to engage with them. You have a responsibility to that sister just like you do to every other sister. You do have things to encourage her with and she has things to encourage you with. So pursue all the women on your team. Ask if she would like to get together and read your Bibles together sometime. Ask if she wants to go see a movie with you. Ask if she wants to pray together. Whatever you do, pursue relationship with all the women in your close membership circle.

I know that I have thought and acting wrongly in all of these areas. I have had an incorrect view of what my role as a "leader" should be. I have thought of my self as more righteous then others. I have seen discipleship as exclusive and I have failed to pursue all of the women on my team. And that's why I am thankful for Mitch's heart in changing our vocabulary and so challenging my thought processes on all of these things. As always, Jesus Christ needs to be the center of how week walk these things out. If for a moment another purpose or meaning comes in, we need to repent and put Christ back as the means and the end for living our lives together as members.

If you have questions about any of these things, please feel free to email me or talk to me in person. I would be happy to dialog more with you about them.

Raising the Bar

This post has three purposes:

1. To encourage the single women around me

2. To raise the bar for my brothers

3. Most importantly, to praise my husband.

I must be the luckiest woman in the world. I am continually amazed and humbled by my husband. Let me give you some examples of why he is so great.

• He is gracious - Eddie is one of the most gracious people I have ever met. The number of times that I have sinned against him over this last year of our relationship and even more so in the last 5 months of our marriage is countless. And yet he always sees past my sin and recognizes that it's not who I am. And because of that he can love and accept me even in my most sinful moments. I have never felt condemned by him.
• He is generous - With everything: his time, his money, his effort, and his possessions. He is quick to offer what he has to a person in need. When he looks at our home and our belongings, he doesn't see wealth obtained, but he sees ministry tools given into his stewardship. And he's always way ahead of me in serving. By the time I notice a place to serve he's already been there for 15 minutes offering his help.
• He has a passion for unreached people - When Eddie looks at the people of the world he sees beauty in how God designed them. And yet at the same time his heart breaks for the many people groups that have never heard of the name of Christ. There are too many people in the world that will not know Jesus unless someone goes. Eddie wants to go. And I love that about him.
• He is genuine and sincere in his love for me - When he tells me that he loves me, I don't doubt it for a minute. The other day he posted this on Twitter: The heart of a Christian husband. As I read it, I knew that it was true about him. He lavishes love on me. And I don't deserve an ounce of it. And yet he gives it. He is such a great example of how Christ loves me.

There is much more that I could say. The list goes on and on in my head. But hopefully you can see a good enough picture of my husband and how wonderful I think he is. For my single sisters, I hope this comes as an encouragement to you that these kind of men do exist. They are out there. Never lower your standard and settle for less than God's best. And for my brothers, I hope I have raised the bar a little for you. If the women around you do have their expectations set this high, then I hope that you will live up to them like my husband does.

And Eddie, I hope you know how much I love you and how lucky I feel to be your wife. Thank you for loving me.

Something From Nothing

So Eddie and I are growing some plants on our deck. We went to Walmart a week ago and bought planters, soil and seeds. We are growing basil, cilantro, snap peas, cucumbers, and cherry tomatoes. Eddie has been very eager for them to start growing and he checks on them multiple times a day even though I have told him that we have to wait another week before they will start to come up.

But I was thinking about a seed and how crazy of a thing it really is. Think about it, some seeds are so tiny. The tomato seeds we planted were so small that I couldn't find it in the soil once I dropped it in. But in a few weeks (hopefully) we will have a plant that has tomatoes growing off of it. Have you ever thought about where that comes from? Where does all that matter come from? No where. It's all from replicating cells. It's not like there is a bunch of matter laying around that gets pulled together and organized as a plant. The matter is just created. It's literally something from nothing. Crazy!

Or think about a baby. All you start with is a little, microscopic egg and in 9 months you have a human being with arms, legs, eyes, lungs, a heart, skin, a tongue, and vast variety of other things. Where does that matter come from? No where. It's just replicating cells.

I just think God's creation is amazing. How a big, real, tangible, functional thing, can just come from a tiny, losable, insignificant thing. And that matter, which wasn't there before, is now in existance. It's just crazy.

What's On The Horizon

A lot of you know already that Eddie and I are going to be transitioning out of the Rock here in the next couple weeks. So I just thought I would share some of my thoughts and processes over the last few months about this transition.

When Eddie first mentioned the idea to me last year of transitioning out of the Rock, I was thoroughly against it. I love the Rock and have a very large sentimental attachment to it. Having come into the Rock as a freshman that didn't understand much of anything about God, other than that he existed, it is real clear that God has used the Rock immensely in my life over the last 8 years. God has grown me, refined me, disciplined me, and sanctified me through the years I have spent here.

So needless to say, I had to do a lot of wrestling with the Lord. God was gracious and shined some light into some places in my heart and I had to deal with how much I had found my identity and worth in who I was as a leader in the Rock (see my Mistaken Identity blog series). The Lord also revealed the fear I had of not being in the comfort of the Rock. I was used to the Rock; I knew how to live life in the Rock. And I feared the discomfort of not knowing how to live life outside of that.

But praise the Lord, for he is good! He has graciously led me through those heart issues and brought me to a place where I am looking forward to what the Lord has in store for Eddie and I over the next few months. We are still in process of figuring out the details of what our ministry will look like, but I am already seeing how God can use us in different ways.

Here are a few things we are looking forward to.

• A more open and available schedule: Eddie and I are excited about having the availability to serve in various ways in Summitview and serve our brothers and sisters individually. Since we will have more free nights, we plan on helping some friends in SVCC to work on the remodeling of their home. We also intend to spend more time reaching out to our lost neighbors. But mostly we are looking forward to the ability to be a little more spontaneous in our ministry.
• Hanging out with more married couples: We are very excited about having couples over for dinner, or to play tennis, or to go on camping trips and be in fellowship and discipleship with other married couples. Eddie and I realize that we have a lot to learn when it comes to being married and we want some older wiser couples to rub off on us.
• Trusting God for international missions: Both Eddie and I have a heart for the unreached nations around the world. And we would like to be more involved with that somehow. We don't have any details as to how that would look, but we are excited to see what God might do.

There is more I could probably talk about, but this post is getting a little long. So I hope that shows you a little bit of what the Lord is doing in Eddie and I's life over the next few months. Again, we don't really have much nailed down other than the fact that you won't see our faces around the Rock as much. But don't ever be afraid to give me a call and hang out. Even though I won't be as involved in the Rock, I still want to be involved in the lives of my friends there.

And if you think about it, you can be praying that the Lord would be guiding and using Eddie and I for great things. Thanks!